


The Talk

by SomethingProfound



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: F/F, Humor, The Talk, no actual banging but much description of it, or an attempt at it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-12-01 22:37:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11496189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomethingProfound/pseuds/SomethingProfound
Summary: As Ship’s Doctor, the health of the Tempest’s crew is Dr Lexi T’Perro’s responsibility.  This includes making sure any alien banging going on is done safely. Regardless of whether the Pathfinder wants to talk about it at all.





	The Talk

Sara Ryder was still learning about this ‘Pathfinder’ and ‘ship captain’ thing. Her very short Alliance career had been as a platoon commander in charge of guarding archaeologists, with always her staff sergeant to back her up. It’s not like she hd experience in - well, any of this. This was firmly in ‘thrown in the deep end’ territory. 

So Ryder had been nose deep in books about spacefaring and wraking her brain for half-forgotten memories of her midshipman cruises in the Academy. 

Taking the example of Captain Cruz, who had been the captain of the Manila, she’d taken to doing ‘rounds’ of the ship once a day to talk about ‘ship stuff’. She’d visited Gil and listened to him talk about things she understood about 50% of. She’d spent longer than strictly necessary listening to Vetra go through their cargo manifest. She’d stopped in to see if Cora had any concerns. 

Now, to see the doc, then go talk to the bridge crew. Kallo was still pissed off at her, but hopefully they could salvage a working relationship, if not their budding friendship. The thought depressed her, but if Andromeda had taught her anything, it was that she couldn’t keep everyone happy. She knew she hadn’t always lived up to the ‘Pathfinder’ title. She’d spent days caught between grief stricken resentment and a burn of frustration. The Alliance would never put a twenty two year old First Lieutenant in charge of this whole operation.

But she wasn’t Lieutenant Sara Ryder anymore. 

With that thought, she opened the door to the medbay, thinking over the questions she needed to ask Lexi. “Hey-”

Lexi smiled at her broadly. Okay. _Disconcerting._ “Ryder! Just the person I was looking for.” 

“Uh, okay? What do you need?” 

“Take a seat,” The doctor said with another, almost gentle smile, “I have something to show you.” 

Sara sat, feeling vaguely trapped as Lexi began rummaging through a pile of datapads on her desk. “Look, Lexi, if this is about your ‘research’ with the angara and their, uh, ‘mating practices’-” 

The asari shot her a look that made her teeth click shut, “It’s important for _Science_.” 

“Right.” _Right._ “Look, I’m not one to judge your note-taking fetish or what have you, but that’s science I really don’t need to know about.” 

Lexi glared at her. Ryder raised her hands defensively, only for the doctor to shove a datapad into one of them, “This isn’t about the angara, Sara. It’s about _you._ ” 

“Me?” She glanced at the datapad. _Oh no._ ‘Human-Turian Copulation: Safety Guidelines.’ Very quietly, she said, “What the _fuck._ ”

“I know you and Vetra have gotten close,” Lexi continued, apparently unaware of Sara’s rapidly heating face and sincere desire to melt into the floor, “But it’s important that if you decide to begin sexual relations with her that you know how to do safely.”

Ryder wondered if it was possible to airlock herself right about now, “Lexi - that’s - that’s private.” 

Lexi’s voice was pitiless, “It won’t be when one or both of you are in the medbay.”

“ _Lexi._ ” She was pretty sure her face could be used to cook marshmallows at this point. “Are you giving me the talk?”

“The what? Ryder, I know humans have a great deal of hang ups about sexual relations, particularly interspecies ones,” _Rude._ “But as your doctor, it’s my responsibility to ensure that you’re educated in safe sex practices.”

Apparently her internal flailing over their tall, reserved smuggler hadn’t been as - discreet, as she’d thought. God. _God._

“I’m pretty sure I can look this stuff up on my own,” She looked at the door, calculating her odds of making a run for it. _The Pathfinder bravely ran away._

Lexi looked thoroughly disappointed. “‘Hierarchy Warrior Conquers Human Female’ is not an accurate source for safe and healthy sex practices, Ryder.” 

“Lexi!” 

“The most important thing,” The doctor continued efficiently, “Is not to ingest.”

_Jesus Christ on a bike. Archon, where are you? Can you kill me (again) right about now?_

Lexi looked contemplative, “I should send Vetra a copy of the instructions on blunting talons.” 

“Great. I’m uh. Going to - go.” Ryder stumbled to her feet. 

“Please read all of it, Sara,” Lexi said earnestly, “I am really very happy for you two.” 

“Thanks,” She said faintly and fled the medbay. She was going to go hide in her cabin _forever._

She passed Liam, who looked at her curiously, “Everything okay, Pathfinder?”

“Fine!” She called over her shoulder as she threw herself through the door to her cabin and then collapsed onto her bed, pressing her flaming cheeks against the pillows. Hiding forever. Forget captain and pathfinder responsibilities. 

Ryder turned onto her back with a groan. She wasn’t going to be able to look at Lexi or Vetra now. Her eyes slid to the datapad that had landed on the floor. Maybe…

…

Okay. She didn’t want to hurt Vetra, right? You know. If that happened. Just in case. She reached for the datapad.


End file.
